Introduction
The constant noise, the endless distractions, the pressure to fit in—these are the realities we face every day. Sometimes, all you want is to escape it all. Being among others or being alone? It’s something I often wonder about. I often find myself torn between wanting to be among people who love me and craving solitude, deep in the heart of a forest, away from everyone. It’s as if, deep down, I’m searching for something, and the only way to access it is through solitude, to find myself alone with my own soul.
The Quest for Inner Truth
It’s not that I have anything against people or that I don’t like them; I just want to face my soul, become my soul, because I feel that’s where the truth is, the only truth that matters in a chaotic world. That’s how I keep going in life; otherwise, I’d go insane. I feel that sometimes people look at me with questioning eyes because I seem to be on the outskirts, I don’t try to fit in, and I turn inward while being at ease in society.
Social Expectations
I know that this can be a bit unsettling for some people who expect everyone to behave the same way. People have expectations of you, even if they don’t know you. They want you to look at them in a certain way and behave in a certain way, something that validates them, validates their point of view, their way of seeing life and the world. When they see me, I generally invalidate their vision of things because I don’t fit into what they’re looking for. Everyone seeks validation from others for their own life. Are we doing things right? Are we dressed the right way? Do we have the right attitude? All of this tires me.
Freedom in Solitude
I love my freedom too much, my autonomy. Being able to be who I want to be. Only nature allows that. Once in the city, you might seem a bit eccentric, or you try to work on yourself to make your weirdness less noticeable. But if people were honest with themselves and others 100%, we would scare most people who aren’t used to authenticity. Authenticity isn’t necessarily kindness or meanness; it’s simply being yourself. Not having prefabricated behaviors depending on the situation you’re in. It’s reacting naturally to the flow of life and people. I don’t know if we can be 100% authentic among humans, but we can always strive for it.
Social validation is exhausting
The only time I feel truly myself and at ease is when I’m alone. On the street, I constantly feel that others want a certain social validation, which drains my energy. Hence the need for solitude, hence the retreat into nature, which becomes a vital need. I’m not wild, or maybe just a bit. But isn’t it because my soul simply needs to express itself? To break free from attachments, from social rules? If that’s what it means to be wild, then okay. I just think that the closer we are to our soul, the more we are who we truly are, and the more we are in the truth than most people who, out of fear of stepping outside the norm, prefer to silence their soul and only appear to others as they want to be seen. Everyone has their choices.
The Quest for Freedom
In reality, maybe I should just go into the forest and write, write, write, and do only that… I think that’s what will save me, what will truly save me from society and its desire to suck you in. That’s what I’m really looking for. I’m looking for freedom. When I ask ChatGPT if it would make a good article, it tells me I need to change things and improve things. But what if I just wrote the way I wanted to write? What if my way of writing was the right way? This whole society aims to make you believe that what you do, what you think, how you behave isn’t the right way. That there’s always a better way. I decide that my way of writing is the right one, because it’s my way. Everyone has their own way. That’s why I think that writing, or any other form of art, can lead to the liberation of humanity, to its total autonomy. But it requires courage and determination, and especially, stepping into the unknown. I have no idea where it will lead me.
Doing things for myself
And I ask myself, who will read what I write, who could be interested in my ideas? But deep down, I write for myself, I write what I believe to be true, my truth. Maybe it will resonate with others. Don’t let anyone tell you how to do things. Just do it and see what happens. As for solitude, even when surrounded by people, I already feel alone, or at least, I’m alone. But that feeling of solitude only truly exists when I question it. Otherwise, I don’t really feel alone when I’m working. I think I needed to be honest with myself about what I want to do with my life. It’s of utmost importance. I don’t know how to live halfway; I don’t know how to live by pretending. I can’t do things like everyone else, living my little life without fully realizing what I’m supposed to achieve. I want to break out of the boxes, I want to do things differently from what has been done before. I don’t understand how people can endure events without saying anything; I can’t. That’s the truth, a truth within me that has been locked away for years.
The best feeling in the world
Returning to solitude, I believe it is truly beneficial for me because it’s the only way for me to go deep and express what’s inside me. Of course, I could have written in the middle of a café, surrounded by 30 people, but it wouldn’t have been the same because being with myself gives me a feeling of completeness that I can’t find anywhere else. I’m totally in flow when I write, or whatever activity I’m engaged in. It’s one of the best feelings I have, and especially, I am not interrupted—what a delight. That’s why I love being alone, because my soul can express itself however it wants, without restraint or constraint.
Everything comes naturally
I don’t need to force things; they come naturally. I don’t need to think; the writing just flows. There’s something truly satisfying because it’s natural for me to write. It took me a while to realize it. It’s a bit like riding a bike—it’s automatic. And that’s why writing feels so natural; my flow of thought can simply print itself on paper. That’s the great advantage of solitude.
Otherwise, you’re in the middle of distractions, and your soul gets lost among the screams of children and the honking of cars, in unbearable heat. It’s not that I don’t like children or cars, but why bother with all this noise when you can just stay home, facing a blank page, composing your next article, book, symphony, painting? I think it’s truly the best feeling in the world.
Finding Yourself in Solitude
The world only starts to care about you when you begin to ignore it. People are interested in those who don’t care about them. I noticed that the more I focused on my projects, the more people seemed intrigued, interested, or even offended. There’s always a reaction, rarely a neutral one. I also think I come across as quite direct and honest, which might put some people off. But that doesn’t really matter.
Solitude as a Guide
What has solitude brought me? I think I’ve always been alone, deep down. I noticed it early on, I think after my parents separated, I started to feel solitude. I wanted to hold on to my friends, but they drifted away from me one by one over the years. I always wanted to be close to my friends, but it’s not something I could achieve. Maybe I always had false hopes regarding others.
Tolerance for an Imperfect World
One day, a friend told me, “you’re an idealist.” We were in the 9th grade. I didn’t understand at the time why he said that, but he must have sensed something different in me. He must have felt that I wanted something different. A different world, different people. I think he was right. Honestly, it’s a world that I tolerate, and it tolerates me. It’s a world where I can be at ease, but it’s not a world that transcends me. People endure without saying anything, but I can’t. This is a truth within me that has been locked away for years.
Personal Awakening
I find that this world is still too immature in every way. I don’t know what the solution is, and I’m not here to provide solutions. Everyone must wake up on their own. Everyone has to do the work themselves. No one is there to hold your hand; you hold your own hand, and you cross the road like a grown-up. This is what I’ve learned from life recently. No one is there to save you. So, it’s all well and good to follow gurus, to go to therapy, etc. But deep down, we all know that we are the only ones who can change what we know we need to change.
Facing Death
And it takes great strength, but not just that. It requires facing death directly. I feel like when I write, like right now, I’m facing death, showing it that I can look it in the eye, straight on, and say: it’s okay, I know I’m going to die anyway, so I’m going to give it my all. Everything I have, before I die. I think that’s what solitude wants you to understand. You have to go deep within yourself to bring out what you have that’s best, or worst. Everyone is different, everyone has something to express or create. Solitude is not there to harm you; it’s there to bring out what you’ve always hidden like a treasure.
Conclusion
And when you face death, when you tolerate it in your field while creating, that’s when you realize there’s no need to fear death. It’s just a passage. The flow you feel when writing is a kind of death before death, you’re in a space-time without limits, you’re the spirit itself, the consciousness itself, you experience what awaits you after death. So in a way, you already become this consciousness, you are this consciousness. And this consciousness wants to express itself through you. It’s not you who control, it’s it. There it is, it speaks. It’s not me, Nelly, the identity given to me. No, it’s just my consciousness that wants to express itself as it always has.
Finally!